آموزش زبان - آموزش زبان انگلیسی برای مامانا

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There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his

money. He was a real miser ^١  when it came to his money. He loved

money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he

said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my

money and place it in the casket ^٢ with me. I wanna take my

money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he

died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out ^٣ in the casket, the

wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When

they finished the ceremony ^۴, just before the undertakers ^۵  got ready

to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"

She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and

placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket

down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't

crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie.

I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket

with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the

casket with him?"

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it

into my account and I wrote

him a check."

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۱٫miser :stingy خسیس

 2.casket : coffin ,تابوت

 3.stretch out : lie down ,قرار دادن

 4.ceremony :مراسم

 5.undertaker :کسی که کفن و دفن مرده را به عهده میگیرد

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مردی وجود داشت که همه زندگیش را کار کرده و به جمع آوری پول پرداخته بود. وقتی موضوع پولش میشد وی بسیار خسیس بود. او پول رو بیشتر از همه چیز دوست داشت.

درست قبل از مردنش به زنش گفت: گوش کن ، وقتی من مردم ازت میخوام همه پولام رو برداری و همراه من توی تابوت بذاری. میخوام پولام رو به اون دنیا ببرم.

بنابراین او از ه قلب از زنش قول گرفت که وقتی مرد، زنش پولاش رو در کنار او در تابوت بذاره

یه روزی او مرد. اونو توی تابوت قرار دادند. زنش اونجا در کنار یکی از دوستان نزدیکش نشسته بود.

وقتی اونا مراسم رو توم کردند و و درست قبل از مراسم کفن و دفن وقتی میخواستند در تابوت رو ببندند، زن گفت ، یک دقیقه صبر کنید. او یک جعبه کفش با خودش داست. نزدیک تابوت شد و جعبه را در تابوت گذاشت. بعد دفن کننده در تابوت را بست و پایین فرستاد.

دوست زن گفت امیدوارم انقدر دیوانه نباشی که همه پول رو درون تابوت گذاشته باشی. زن گفت: بله. من قول داده بودم. من یک مسیحی خوب هسستم.

من نمی تونم دروغ بگم. من بهش قول داده بودم که پول رو در تابوت پیش او بذارم.

دوستش گفت: یعنی تو به من میگی تا آخرین سنت از پولش رو توی تابوت گذاشتی؟

20 Things a Mother Should Tell Her Son

1. Play a sport.  It will teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble.   And maybe even throw or catch.



2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don't take something away from her that you can't give back.



3. Use careful aim when you pee.  Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.



4. Save money when you're young because you're going to need it some day.   



5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom.  Now please go use them. 



6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.



7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.



8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.



9. Treat women kindly.  Forever is a long time to live alone and it's even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.



10. Take pride in your appearance. 



11. Be strong and tender at the same time. 



12. A woman can do everything that you can do.  This includes her having a successful career and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.  Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.



13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a long way.



14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is because they're "private".  Please do not scratch them in public.



15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.  Be a good leader and others will follow. 



16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.



17. Be patriotic.



18. Potty humor isn't the only thing that's humorous.  



19. Please choose your spouse wisely.  My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.